Remember that giving feedback does not require praise. An alternative is straightforward information - feedback about how they are doing. Even negative feedback can be given constructively. Failure can be described in terms of "a problem to be solved" and recipients of feedback can be involved in finding solutions. Practical suggestions to blunt the damaging effect of praise include:

1. Don't praise people, only what people do. Focus on the act or product. There is less likely a gap between what someone hears and his self-concept if we don't make sweeping comments about what he is like as a person. "That�s a really nice story" rather than "You're such a good writer."
2. Make praise as specific as possible. Call attention to specific aspects worthy of notice, so the recipient can judge for himself if the evaluator's standards are appropriate and so his attention is directed to the task itself rather than on the fact of our approval. Better than "That's a really nice story" is "That's great at the end when you leave the main character a little confused."
3. Avoid phony praise. When genuinely delighted by - or appreciative of - something, let it show.
4. Avoid praise that sets up competition. Never praise someone by comparing her to someone else. This undermines intrinsic motivation, encourages viewing others as rivals rather than potential collaborators, and leads people to see their own worth in terms of whether they�ve beaten everyone else - a recipe for perpetual insecurity.
5. Evaluative comments are often unnecessary. Praise appears entirely absent in some cultures - challenging the assumption that the process of socialization requires verbal reinforcement. We can be less judgmental and controlling - and in the long run, more effective - by simply acknowledging what a child has done. Pointing out an aspect of an essay or drawing that seems interesting (without saying it's nice or you liked it) is usually sufficient to encourage her efforts. Offer observations, and questions about what she has done. "Are these mountains?" "Why did you draw them in green?" Instead of verbal rewards, offer genuine warmth and interest, encouragement, and support. Precisely because it takes thought and effort, responding with encouragement rather than praise requires practice.

Source:

Alfie Kohn, Punished By Rewards

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