The world-renowned family therapist Virginia Satir used to wear a medallion around her neck. The word yes was emblazoned on one side of the medallion, and on the other side, the word no. She often said that one of her primary tasks was to help her clients learn to say yes when they meant yes, and no when they meant no.

Those who work in the growing field of addiction recovery, especially recovery from codependence, emphasize the need for personal integrity—that is, honesty with yourself and others. Virginia Satir estimated that codependence afflicts over 90 percent of the United States population. “The disease of lost selfhood,” as author Charles Whitfield, MD, calls codependency, is probably at the root of all other addictions. It results from focusing too much on what is outside of yourself and thereby depending on others to define what you think, how you feel, and what you do.

The Cost of Being Nice
Learning to Say No

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