Cynthia is operating on the principle "control the child or he will control you." The underlying assumption is that bringing up a child is a battle of wills, and if you give in to a child's wishes too often, he will rule your life. Such notions are familiar to all of us because the focus of Western civilization's childcare, educational, and legal institutions is on correction. This is the logical outgrowth of the prevailing view that infants and children are innately antisocial, and that their "natural" impulses need be curbed and controlled so they can become social and worthy human beings.

Our perceptions of the innate nature of the child are generally so much a part of us that we are not even conscious of them, yet they determine our every action with the child, and to a very large extent, our child's behavior. As long as we perceive children as offensive and untrustworthy, we will find ourselves constantly on the defense, always alert to the next misdemeanor - or catastrophe. We find ourselves constantly watching over and attempting to dominate every aspect of their lives.

It is as if we are afraid to perceive the best in our children.

Alexander is doubtless told many times a day that he is bad, untrustworthy, uncooperative, and stupid. In all likelihood, he will grow up believing what he has been told, and acting accordingly. He will come to regard his parents as judges from whom he must hide, and they will wonder why. Even as an adult, he will most likely interpret all that he hears, and all that he experiences, in terms of his unworthiness.

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