And then, there is what I consider to be the heart of the matter, perhaps best said in a favorite quote:

If there is anything that we wish to change in the child, we should first examine to see whether it is not something that had better be changed in ourselves. —Carl Jung

This means asking, whenever a problem arises, does this stem entirely from my daughter? Or do I have something to do with it? Is there some part of me speaking when Siena whines, or throws a tantrum? If Siena is talking rudely, I need to consider whether that is true of me.

Whenever I take the time I find that there is a gift for me in Siena's discordant behavior. It may be that I am operating on high speed, trying to do too much at once, or expecting too much of her. I will recognize that I need to slow down, breathe, return to center, offer my daughter a gentle smile, a warm hug. This may be enough, or perhaps we need to snuggle and read a story, or take a walk. Returning to my work, life proceeds more smoothly. At the best of times, it is better for both of us; in the lesser times, at least it is for me. For even if Siena remains a little cranky, I have remembered my priorities - she is with me for such a short time, and I have remembered to place love in the center in of my life. And I rest in the knowing that we are growing together in understanding and experience.

Recommended Reading:

Pam Leo, Connection Parenting
John Holt, Teach Your Own*
Jean Liedloff, The Continuum Concept*
Ashley Montagu, Touching

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