I was intrigued with the implications of this alternative perception now infiltrating my being. If it were true, and my heart soared on the wings of it being so, it would deeply affect the way I related to in general, and disciplined in particular, my daughter. It made imminent sense to me in every way. It felt right. And how freeing. It is a perspective that makes parenting a pleasuring rather than a policing experience, for it calls forth a responsive rather than reactive, cooperative rather than adversarial, and compassionate rather than condemning, style of parenting.

By choosing to perceive baby Siena as essentially good, I interpret her crying not as manipulative and controlling, but as her communicating to me in the only way she knows how, that she needs cuddling, or feeding, or a diaper change. I will interpret the toddler Siena spilling food on her new dress, not as her being careless, not caring about me, and the extra work that this causes me, but as simply not yet fully accomplished in the art of dining graciously.

While I felt that I embraced this view wholeheartedly, I found a part of myself still wired into my Western conditioning. For example, I would find the old admonition "spare the rod, spoil the child," lingering in the distant filaments of my brain - only occasionally, but it was there. It could be activated when Siena was acting out: I would wonder momentarily if being firm and redirective was enough. Perhaps she really needed me to yell at her, even to give her a good (?!) slap, to convey that I meant what I said. However, I could not be harsh or violent with her, as long as I was committed to beholding the essential goodness of this child, the beauty of her spirit, the being behind the action?. And on this commitment, I am unwavering. (She is now age 14, and I have had no cause to consider her being otherwise.)

When I hold a distinction between Siena's essential being and her presenting behavior, the issue is never about her being obedient or disobedient, smart or stupid; it is only about her being relatively aware or unaware, ignorant/innocent or understanding, knowing or unknowing, able or unable. I know that even in areas in which I am supposedly competent one day, I am not the next. How much more may this be so for a child?

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