When a child's need for love and security are met, she has no need to exhibit the consistently discordant behavior that is widely recognized by psychologists today to be an expression of unmet needs, an expression of fear, a cry for love and understanding.

Some of the most exasperated and "contrary" children are those whose antisocial behavior is really a plea to be shown how to behave cooperatively. —Jean Liedloff, The Continuum Concept

Until we find what it is that a child is trying to communicate through a behavior pattern, the discordant behavior will, in all likelihood, keep surfacing. While it may take some time to determine the source of the pain, what we can always and immediately offer as a substantial measure of relief, is acceptance of the emotion underlying the behavior. This does not mean complying with a child's request or affirming her behavior. It simply means not denying, ignoring, blaming, shaming, or punishing her for her attempts to seek help - albeit unskillfully - from those who care for her in what can at times appear, even to us, as a big and confusing, even frightening world. How much more so then, to a child?

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