The basis of compassion is an honest recognition of your own suffering and that of others. Suffering is part and parcel of being alive. We suffer when we stay attached to the past, afraid to embrace the future. We suffer when we make unrealistic demands on ourselves or others. We suffer when the people we love leave us. When you acknowledge that you are not perfect, and neither is anyone else, you develop a sense of compassion.

Compassion is not blindness or naivete, however. Just because you may experience compassion for a teenager who was arrested for shoplifting, or for yourself for breaking a promise, doesn’t mean that you condone a theft or relieve yourself of the need to acknowledge your broken agreement and your responsibility to clear it up. With genuine compassion we let go of the past; we release grievance, recrimination, and blame; and we attempt to reconcile. We do not assume, however, that this will necessarily change our circumstances or the attitudes and behaviors of those around us, though it could.

Showing yourself compassion does not mean becoming resigned to your problems. Compassion and resignation are two different things. Resignation is dry, passive, and lifeless. It is an attitude of defeat. Compassion is active and lively and requires your participation.

When you show yourself compassion, you willingly look below the surface of your behaviors or feelings. You find your true essence—your core of basic goodness that may have been temporarily obscured, but never diminished. When you see yourself (or others) honestly, compassion becomes much easier.

Compassion toward yourself or others can relax you physically and bring you peace of mind. Such harmony is the essence of healing. And with inner harmony, the situations and decisions that formerly seemed difficult or complex are suddenly simple, clear, and sometimes even easy.

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