In sexual intercourse we have a brilliant symbol for what we all seek - integration, union, communion. We seek this with others; we also look for it in ourselves.

Whether we are men or women anatomically, each individual is composed of both male" and "female" energy.* Typically, we associate the outgoing, thrusting, rationally involved aspects of our nature with "maleness" (the yang in Chinese cosmology) and the inward-looking, nurturing, intuitive elements with "femaleness" (the yin force). A whole, balanced person is one who has incorporated the two into one harmonious dance, to whatever degree they naturally exist within us. If there is a definition of healthy sexuality, this is it. The integrated being channels all of life energy.

From this place of wholeness, of personal integrity, one approaches another person out of a desire for sharing energy, rather than a need for taking what is lacking in oneself. So, if there is any magical formula to be used, or first step to be taken in establishing satisfying relationships with others, it is the realization that you already have within yourself everything that you need for your happiness.

Anita is just such an integrated being. She is a strong and gentle woman. Her power sparkles in her sensitivity. She is happy in living and working alone for weeks, even months at a time. She is happy in living and working with family and friends. She cries as easily as she laughs. She writes poetry with one hand, and a research paper with the other. Her sexuality exudes from every pore and is contagious. She can be celibate for six months of the year without pain. She can make love every night of the week with pleasure. She is a living example of the union of sexuality and wellness.

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* Singer, J., Androgyny: The Opposites Within. (Nicholas-Hays, 2000), 5.

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