Fact: In discouraging our children from expressing their true feelings, we diminish their self-respect, damage their emotional growth, and erode their ability to protect themselves. They become dependent on others to define their feelings for them, and unable to solve their own problems. Encouraging our children to tell us what we want to hear, rather than what they actually experience, destroys true communication, and renders intimacy and meaningful relationship impossible.

Children whose feelings and experiences are acknowledged and respected are likely to respect their own feelings rather than constantly look to others for validation and direction. Respecting their own feelings, they are likely to respect, rather than feel threatened, by those of others. They will be able to set appropriate boundaries in relationship with others, rather than falling into the codependent patterns that are so prevalent in our "civilized" society.

We live in a culture in which the honest expression of emotional states is strongly discouraged. Most of us were reared, thanks to our parents' well-intended desire to "socialize" us, to believe that there were good feelings and bad feelings and that it was not OK to express the full range of our emotions. Most of us find ourselves, at least on occasion, passing these same messages onto our children. Sorrow or vulnerability is considered a weakness, more acceptable for females than for males. Honesty is often seen as rude or tactless. Anger is definitely unfeminine and generally considered an indication of a lack of control, rather than-in many situations-an appropriate feeling to experience and express.

The Price of Denying Feelings
Accepting "Negative" Emotions
Anger Management and Conflict Resolution
How to Handle Tantrums
Healthy Self Expression

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